Intermission...

Go out to the lobby, get a beverage...mingle...talk amongst yourselves....

I feel I should finally explain my manic jinking and dodging form blog to blog. I don't remember if I ever explained (except privately to a few of you) the reason for the abrupt moves.

I accessed the original blog from a computer that then fell into the hands of someone who (to put it charitably) has historically had a curious nature about other people's private activities. I doubt there was an mal-intention on their part, more an inquisitive search that yielded fruits and led them to that blog. Yes, there are privacy issues there and a violation of trust. What compounds the issue for me is that their life was once more interconnected to mine than it is now with our estranged status. (nothing to do with the blog or any of the blogs contents, but there would seem to be parallels). I'm being obtuse on purpose here. To further compound the dynamic, there were a few posts (I estimate 2-3) where reading between the lines if and only if you knew both myself and them you would recognize an intersection of their story and mine. You might even say there was an issue of not plagiarism, but a borrowed slice of real life that embellished my own as reported here. Awkward. No?

In addition though I have no concern that this person is out to cause me harm such as would hypothetically occur were she to bring this to the attention of my spouse, still there are assumptions that one would make about my spouse from reading here that either are not accurate or if accurate, not for public comsumption.

So I started over. Sort of. I enjoyed the writing and feedback so much that I couldn;t bear to sever the body of work, and simply was more scrupulous about changing names to protect the innocent and altered insignifigant details to make this more universal and less people specific. I lamented the fact though that there seems to be a change in both the direction of the blog and my real life as I second guess potential reactions if the new and improved lovation were discovered.

Well that time is upon me. To quote Poltergeist... 'Theyyyyre baaaack..."

Well not really 'they' a surrogate that was sent by the first party to keep an eye on the original blog. Initially this behavior made no sens whatsoever to me. Why were they sending what was clearly a mutual acquaintance to check morning and night each and every day. They stayed just long enough it seemed to report whether there was a new update, and ~poof~ they were gone. IN my fevered imagination I pictured them snipping the latest post and forwarding it to the original interloping acquaintance.

Recently (before the intermediary found "me" again...) I got a partial answer. The person that snooped on the computer I had used does not have internet access. They should have access from their phone at minimum, and they are more than technologically proficient to do so, so the whole thing got curiouser and curiouser. It is possible they had to drop internet service on phone too. I know lots of people that have embarrassingly given out new cell numbers as old plans have been discarded during belt tightening. ~shrug~ None of that matters, though the question is what to do about the intermediary. Flee again. Leave all the old posts behind start anew in mid tale?

The answer lies in the recent behavior of the intermediary. They have been respectful. They clearly haven't passed it on to others or I would have noticed the trail. Discretion is the essence of this blog and essential to its survival. If they were still checking in morning and night for brief seconds, I would feel scrutinized like an animal on the other side of the glass from a dis-interested public.

Instead, they seemingly have become engaged. They read whole swaths of posts, they stay for long minutes apparently reading. That's sort of the point of publishing, readership, no? In addition they have begun clicking through to some of the blogs I enjoy browsing both for their writing as well as the stories. I have this image of open-mouthed disbelief of the seedy underworld they have found themselves pointed towards while simply helping a friend.


So, in short, let 'em watch.


So, what did you miss? Not much. I think the intrusion had an impact in causing me to check some of my more outlandish behavior, but there were also changes in my personal so called real life. Work unexpectedly put greater demands, and life caught up chronologically to the blog. You see at some point I found it was hard to always tell the story as it unfolded, demands of life, privacy concerns got in the way. At one point (during the last hiatus) I had real life both having occurred and been written up, spell checked and ready to post in advance. I was nearly 2 weeks out at one point. For a while it got interesting in my personal correspondence trying not to confusingly let the cat out of the bag and let it unfold in real time for the readers.


So to get the chronology straight, It would appear that I have unreported the last two weeks of activity when in fact it has actually been nearly a month and a half since the planned encounter with Jen and/or her husband. It is a likely possibility, but it didn't materialize. They had some personal issues of their own to work through with boundaries and such and I begged off until I could see them more stable as a couple. They have individually and together assured me they have worked through that period, and I believe them. It somewhat caused me to go back and lay some better groundwork with my spouse. I value that relationship despite its obvious flaws immensely, and needed some time to re-evaluate.


That is not to say I have been entirely what you might call a "good girl'. Unless by good girl you mean it in the sense one might give me a playful pat on the head while I am, well you know...~blush~


So, I feel like I am editing soap opera digest and bringing viewers with actual jobs and lives up to date on all of the many tangled webs I have woven. Not that much to tell, which is fortunate or I shan't ever catch up.


I have browsed and giggled on Ashley Madison a bit. I think I mentioned I had a second profile for just girl-girl interest? If I hadn't mentioned it is interesting and was unexpected that most of those postings are actually couples it seems. Kind of weird to be propositioned to be a marital aid for a loving couple you meet on a site for cheaters, but I think it does make sense because Ashley Madison has some really great features that promote privacy such as right click being disabled so someone would really have to work at it to for example download your photo. You control who sees them and so on...I kind of think they need a whole 'nother site for kinksters that aren't necessarily cheating but don;t want Mom/Boss/Secretary/Neighbor/PTA to know specifically what their kinks are. If you take the suggestion A-M put me down for a 10% stake willya?


Anyway I browsed mostly, made no new 'real life' friends but had a couple of interesting exchanges online.


My cadre of paramours has reached a comfortable place thritely described as 'friends with benefits'. I didn;t used to liek the term but now that I have 2, well technically 3, it seems apt. Gabe has settled down a lot and benefitted greatly from the cooling off I put him through. He got the message loud and clear, that clingy isn't sexy and is cheerfully grateful for stolen moments. I think it was twice since I wrote here last. He is an unrepentant danger junkie though. He has suggested he has fantasized about taking someone in his own home just for the sheer 'wrongness' of it. He says he trusts me if I am every looking for an adrenaline fix. Fun to think about, sucks to get caught. Would be horrible to devastate an innocent like that...so likely a fantasy to remain unfullfilled.

Mark and I only managed one stolen session. It was carefully scheduled with generous time blocked out and was unremarkable except for the contrast from the last time. This time was soft, gentle, and dare I say loving. We met and joined at a languid pace, I recall mostly warm sunlight cutting the bed in half diagonally making for interesting plays of light. Weird thing to fix on I know.


Meanwhile Hubby and I have had our ups and downs. I still hold myself to the rule of no outside contact if we are on the outs...It seems to easy to console oneself with another and simply skip the bother of reconciliation if one can easily have ones needs met ala cart by one or more people. I don't think this applies just to sexual infidelity. Its much easier to get a sympathetic ear about your spouse than to discover the roots of the problem. What is a friend going to tell you but what you have led them to reflect back to you? It assuages bruised ego, but ultimately doesn't help you relate to your spouse. ~shrug~ Double the tendency to receive just the kind words you are looking to hear if the other party is a flirty/romantic/sexual tension sort of 'buddy'.


I know too many people that met when they were on the outs with their spouse and it never works. Especially if it is two wounded souls consoling each other. Their motives are actually pure. They each want to help this wonderful person that they can't imagine being mistreated so. The mistreatment is probably accurate and if anything under-reported. The 'wonderful' person really is. Unhindered by the baggage that accumulates in a long relationship, they are free to be their best and possibly truest self as we all are in a sense when we get a fresh start.


The problem lies in the unresolved bagage. It's still there, and it was mutual in some sens. Sure, one person is most likely the offended and one the offended, but whats the percentage? 60-40? 20-80? 5-95? whatever it is the roots of the next set of problems in the new relationship are sown. I read somewhere statistically couples that met in situations involving infideltity have a 3% survival rate. Reminds me of a country song I think its called "Then what?" where it says 'Whacha gonna do when the new wears off and the old shines through."


So, I've put some effort into mending. Nothing stark, nothing dramatic. Just tried to be a little more open minded about whether offense was actually intended. A little more clear in both speaking up promptly and without rancor when I do feel injured. Clearly stating that I am trying to avoid being accusatory, and really do want to understand.


Great line in Pulp fiction where Travolta as Vince Vega admits that he listens primarilly with the idea of planning his response.


As much as I truly enjoy the cloak and dagger aspect of the basic infidelity meme, it wouldn't detract from the sensory experiences if I found a way to include hubby in my adventures oout-right. I have been subtly steering conversations at widely spaced intervals around to the idea, which as I always thougth from the outset were not off the table for him, but with caveats and limitations he has suggested that I wouldn;t have thought of.


We have talked about maybe finding one of those voyeristic/exhibitionst 'swinger' clubs when we next find ourselves out of town. ~just looking~ we will tell ourselves. We have settled on the idea that what is commonly called "same room sex" would be pretty low risk where each stays with their partner and just enjoys the kink of watching the watchers.

Anyway, I had already decided on my 'let 'em watch' policy a week or so ago, but hadn't anything juicy to report so I held off saying anything.


Now returning you to perving on more currently active blogs.