It begins.....

The question is what is "IT?"

Obviously, this first post begins this blog. Funny, I know people that blog. Obsessively. Like my sister who has what she calls a "foodie blog". As I never plan to tell her I blog (now) I feel safe in saying she is a terrible cook. ~snark~ I am pretty sure she just trades recipies for an excuse to get drunk on good red wine. I know several women at church that have blogs about their kids to brag about. I am a mother but when you see where this blog is headed you can see why I won't be posting pics of kids with ice cream smeared noses....

I never saw the point of writing a blogsite. It seemed like a notice me notice me sort of thing, and I can't see who reads them unless you already know them and their kids and stuff. For some reason I didn't know about some of the ~ahem~ shall we say "more interesting" blogs.

Some with pics even. (Do NOT expect any such pics here!!!) Not just because I am too shy and too old to be a playmate wannabe, but because no one can know who I am.

Well sort of. I can't decide if this is a place to vent and never show my husband, or a place to keep track of stuff before a potential divorce..(I think my friend has talked me out of that for now). Or if its a place that I will take back my power as a women and my own sensuality and eventually when he is properly humbled rub his knows in it by showing it to him. My friend says no, never show him, it'll have to end then if he knows and my friend assures me that this will be popular.

Not that I want to be popular and anyway thats weird. How do you get popular or at least why does it matter if you are popular if no one knows who you are?

Anyway, he says infidelity blogs and hotwife blogs and cuckold blogs are very popular because they are tittilating. ~teehee~ I love that word, I didn't know it till he explained it to me. Well I didn't know the other words either exactly. I mean I figure a hot wife is one that looks good, and I know the word cuckold from romance novels but it never seems a positive at all. Infidelity I know and I have never done. I was amazed reading other peoples blogs once my friend showed me to them about how flexible stuff can be. I thought you were either faithful, a slut, or maybe in one of those 1970's "open marriage" things.

I thought my husband was completely weird when he would encourage talk in bed about me being with someone else. I mean a guy. For some reason another girl like a threeway I mean seems well not normal but more acceptable and not cheating. I have even had joking (I THINK!) conversations with girlfriends and co-workers about how thats every guys fantasy.

So about my husband..I would play along in bed with talk like that and sometimes it was kinda hot some times it seemed like playacting or whatever. Sometimes it was kinda boring especially if he was having me talk about being with someone he thought I would think was hot, but was like uh, no. But you can't have a whole conversation about what is hot in a guy or whatever. I kinda felt like I started the whole thing but looking back, it was all his fantasy really at least then.

You see I was pretty popular when I was young and like most girls could get it whenever I wanted. I had a series of boyfriends and that led to a series of adventures that that he seemd to enjoy hearing about. He came from a religous family and more than that was shy, so he didn't have much (well really any) experience until me. We didn't even fuck untill we actually got married, and believe me if he had made me wait any longer I would have cheated on him before the wedding just to get some relief! But I didn't and haven't. In more years than I want to admit. And I totally could, especially now. I was already losing weight for most of a year before all this came up a couple of months ago, and if not for my friend I probably would have gone on a binge and been a fat divorcee by now, but I am sort of on a mission now, so I watch what I eat and look good..not to brag, but guys notice me. I notice them noticing me. My husband likes me to notice. But I don't give him the satisfaction of knowing I saw too. When all this started a month ago. (two?) I was so ready to throw out all my "slut" clothes or maybe only wear them or whatever..I am so glad I held my cool and didn't say anything to husband til I had time to think, because I have such an evil thrill fantasizing about all the ways this could go.