What he wants. What I want.

OK, I read my last post and it sort of makes sense to me but I don;t think it makes sense if you read it and don;t know the situation.

I will go back and add stuff to explain like cuckolds and hotwifes (I got a new term I like too called slutwives).

I don't know exactly what my husband is because I have been reading a lot of what is called erotica which just means dirty stories really and when there is a cuckold he is sort of like a weak guy with a small dick that can't satisfy or it doesnt work like an accident or something. When it is written by a girl it seems like she is a bitch and likes laughing at him, and when its a guy it seems like he just likes to be embarrassed, like when you are so blushing you almost pee yourself or something..maybe that feels good to guys like sexually or something. I don't know.

My husband would say he isn't like that. He isn't like a jock guy, well not at all he is a nerdy type, but he isn't small dicked or anything, just normal, like 6-7 inches...we did the dollar bill thing once and so hes like average. Thats not really the point though. I think he likes my old stories..(Oh I meant to mention in the last one, I started to..I had adventures, I explained early on I am not a virgin and been with people and so on and well he got off on the stories...so I kept telling them till as far as he knows I ran out of the stories..)

Anyway its like he likes my old stories and if he had a time machine he would send me back to like fuck the whole football team in the back of the bus or something. He seems to think if he "gives me permission" and picks the guy and I act like a little whore that there is no consequences. Like A if I could just fuck someone that I don't feel something for romance or whatever, and B like in some way he wouldn't have power over me because now I am a whore or whatever and well...

Ok my friend (I gotta explain him and all that, but thats another thing about how this started..another post) anyway he says that the way my husband has tried to set things up, basically he is still fucking me, getting off on fucking me but just using another guys dick basically. That finally made sense to me. We have you know toys? Like dildos that look like a dick some buzz, some don't. Sometimes he likes to watch me put it in, in fact I usually use them mostly outside when I am by myself, but he likes to say things like yeah he's fucking you good and stuff..sometimes I blow him during and he says its like Im getting it from two guys so yeah it makes sense in a way. Its like my husband wants a guy there to be like a living fake dick for me to fuck and him to control. You can see why I would be mad if I could see this in his head.

The way he tried to set me up was creepy and really UNFORGIVABLE. Even though he didn't go through with what he started, it is still pretty sick. My friend has been talking to him (well emailing him) again and he is either a little suspicious or maybe he was all talk, but still. He has something coming and I don't know what.

My friends point. ( I need to give him a name here - suggestions?) his point that got me not to yell at my husband the day I found out was first even if I do leave him or punish him, get all the dirt first. Then do what I want not what his actions drove me to in a blind rage. He also showed me all the ways I could use this either as a leverage if I later tell him I know what he tried, or make him think I don;t know and have my friend plant ideas that give me freedom and goodies that he thinks he controls but he doesnt.

Bottom line my friend said was, "If you met a guy you wanted to have an affair with, wouldn't it be cool if your husband gave you permission, gave you allowence to afford the lingerie, the hotel, the full body massage at the concierge, watched the kids, and got NOTHING sexually out of it?" He showed me how I could have a clean conscience and a dirty secret at the same time.

We have laughed that if I go step by step by step, I could have him as my obedient little cuckold, sitting blindfolded in the corner with a pair of panties in his mouth as a gag, and another hiding the shame of his little dick. This is kind of a joke since it would definatle bulge out of them so it wouldnt hide much. I know, Ive seen it..`giggle~ The first time for that was a long time ago, but my friend..(Instructer? ) told me just what to do to get him to wear them again the other night and it worked. I mean it looked just silly but MAKING him do it was hot. That night was the reason my friend thought I should start a blog because he says trannys are hot in porn. I laughed because my husband has no boobies for sure and is too hairy even to be a european chick!

Anyway I promised him I'd write about it, but I think it was just silly and needs something to make it interesting, but my friend says, no it was hot because it was like gentle femdom...(whole another thing Ive had to google and learn about..not me, but hot kinda in a revenge fantasy way..)

Oh, what I want was the point here and I don't know so far though I am just like setting him up the way he set me up, and letting him think I might fall for his bait. I'm not sure if he just decided it was a bad idea in general or if I unknowingly said something that made him think I suspected because he quit after a week or two from the ad, and my friend says he said that he worries I know something..I do NOW, but didn't then so i'm confused.