This little tale dates back a week or so to last Wednesday. Gabe as I mentioned seems to really enjoy the appearance of risk. By that I mean he definately doesnt want to get caught but has kinky fantasies like maybe sneaking me into his marital bed sometime. Aside from the risk of actually getting caught, it hits a little close to home to me and reminds me of the adulturous nature of our coupling and I think I would find that un-sexy.
I had mentioned to him that if its risk he wants we should find a semi-public place where we can find a dark corner to mess around in. He took up the challenge and pre-ran a local attraction that has an aviary. You enter through a chicken wire covered gate into a inner lock that is designed to catch escapees before they take flight to the great beyond. Once inside you can stroll through a pretty good sized area that looks pretty natural. There are trees and paths and benches and bushes and quite of bit of privacy. Mid week it is nearly deserted.
We ducked in this nook and that and made out like furtive teenagers, It was pretty fun. After leading me around the place he presented his find. A bench that was apparently forgotten in the maintenance of the place as the path to where it was is a bit overgrown. It got bypassed at some point. brushing off the leaves and twigs and (ick! well, it is an aviary..) we sat and snuggled. I got felt up a while and felt very much the teenager...
Eventually I straddled him facing him and rode him to a blissfull, subtle orgasm. It was heightened but the sense of daring and I do think I'd like to do something like that again sometime.
Meanwhile on the home front I feel pretty guilty. I tried casually braoaching the subject of the trade with jen and her husband as a hypothetical and was surprised with the fervor with which hubby rejected the idea out of hand. I thought he liked the idea of at least thinking of me with another man. IN theory with a couple is hotter and safer as far as the chance of it intruding into the reality of our marriage. He had (arguably good) reasons for why it was perilous and why it would be detrimental to our marriage. Well damn. I sort of thought I had his approval if not his knowlege. Some time ones desires and fantasies get a bit ahead of reality.
Problem is I am already off and running and he hasn't even left the gate.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Intermission...
Go out to the lobby, get a beverage...mingle...talk amongst yourselves....
I feel I should finally explain my manic jinking and dodging form blog to blog. I don't remember if I ever explained (except privately to a few of you) the reason for the abrupt moves.
I accessed the original blog from a computer that then fell into the hands of someone who (to put it charitably) has historically had a curious nature about other people's private activities. I doubt there was an mal-intention on their part, more an inquisitive search that yielded fruits and led them to that blog. Yes, there are privacy issues there and a violation of trust. What compounds the issue for me is that their life was once more interconnected to mine than it is now with our estranged status. (nothing to do with the blog or any of the blogs contents, but there would seem to be parallels). I'm being obtuse on purpose here. To further compound the dynamic, there were a few posts (I estimate 2-3) where reading between the lines if and only if you knew both myself and them you would recognize an intersection of their story and mine. You might even say there was an issue of not plagiarism, but a borrowed slice of real life that embellished my own as reported here. Awkward. No?
In addition though I have no concern that this person is out to cause me harm such as would hypothetically occur were she to bring this to the attention of my spouse, still there are assumptions that one would make about my spouse from reading here that either are not accurate or if accurate, not for public comsumption.
So I started over. Sort of. I enjoyed the writing and feedback so much that I couldn;t bear to sever the body of work, and simply was more scrupulous about changing names to protect the innocent and altered insignifigant details to make this more universal and less people specific. I lamented the fact though that there seems to be a change in both the direction of the blog and my real life as I second guess potential reactions if the new and improved lovation were discovered.
Well that time is upon me. To quote Poltergeist... 'Theyyyyre baaaack..."
Well not really 'they' a surrogate that was sent by the first party to keep an eye on the original blog. Initially this behavior made no sens whatsoever to me. Why were they sending what was clearly a mutual acquaintance to check morning and night each and every day. They stayed just long enough it seemed to report whether there was a new update, and ~poof~ they were gone. IN my fevered imagination I pictured them snipping the latest post and forwarding it to the original interloping acquaintance.
Recently (before the intermediary found "me" again...) I got a partial answer. The person that snooped on the computer I had used does not have internet access. They should have access from their phone at minimum, and they are more than technologically proficient to do so, so the whole thing got curiouser and curiouser. It is possible they had to drop internet service on phone too. I know lots of people that have embarrassingly given out new cell numbers as old plans have been discarded during belt tightening. ~shrug~ None of that matters, though the question is what to do about the intermediary. Flee again. Leave all the old posts behind start anew in mid tale?
The answer lies in the recent behavior of the intermediary. They have been respectful. They clearly haven't passed it on to others or I would have noticed the trail. Discretion is the essence of this blog and essential to its survival. If they were still checking in morning and night for brief seconds, I would feel scrutinized like an animal on the other side of the glass from a dis-interested public.
Instead, they seemingly have become engaged. They read whole swaths of posts, they stay for long minutes apparently reading. That's sort of the point of publishing, readership, no? In addition they have begun clicking through to some of the blogs I enjoy browsing both for their writing as well as the stories. I have this image of open-mouthed disbelief of the seedy underworld they have found themselves pointed towards while simply helping a friend.
So, in short, let 'em watch.
So, what did you miss? Not much. I think the intrusion had an impact in causing me to check some of my more outlandish behavior, but there were also changes in my personal so called real life. Work unexpectedly put greater demands, and life caught up chronologically to the blog. You see at some point I found it was hard to always tell the story as it unfolded, demands of life, privacy concerns got in the way. At one point (during the last hiatus) I had real life both having occurred and been written up, spell checked and ready to post in advance. I was nearly 2 weeks out at one point. For a while it got interesting in my personal correspondence trying not to confusingly let the cat out of the bag and let it unfold in real time for the readers.
So to get the chronology straight, It would appear that I have unreported the last two weeks of activity when in fact it has actually been nearly a month and a half since the planned encounter with Jen and/or her husband. It is a likely possibility, but it didn't materialize. They had some personal issues of their own to work through with boundaries and such and I begged off until I could see them more stable as a couple. They have individually and together assured me they have worked through that period, and I believe them. It somewhat caused me to go back and lay some better groundwork with my spouse. I value that relationship despite its obvious flaws immensely, and needed some time to re-evaluate.
That is not to say I have been entirely what you might call a "good girl'. Unless by good girl you mean it in the sense one might give me a playful pat on the head while I am, well you know...~blush~
So, I feel like I am editing soap opera digest and bringing viewers with actual jobs and lives up to date on all of the many tangled webs I have woven. Not that much to tell, which is fortunate or I shan't ever catch up.
I have browsed and giggled on Ashley Madison a bit. I think I mentioned I had a second profile for just girl-girl interest? If I hadn't mentioned it is interesting and was unexpected that most of those postings are actually couples it seems. Kind of weird to be propositioned to be a marital aid for a loving couple you meet on a site for cheaters, but I think it does make sense because Ashley Madison has some really great features that promote privacy such as right click being disabled so someone would really have to work at it to for example download your photo. You control who sees them and so on...I kind of think they need a whole 'nother site for kinksters that aren't necessarily cheating but don;t want Mom/Boss/Secretary/Neighbor/PTA to know specifically what their kinks are. If you take the suggestion A-M put me down for a 10% stake willya?
Anyway I browsed mostly, made no new 'real life' friends but had a couple of interesting exchanges online.
My cadre of paramours has reached a comfortable place thritely described as 'friends with benefits'. I didn;t used to liek the term but now that I have 2, well technically 3, it seems apt. Gabe has settled down a lot and benefitted greatly from the cooling off I put him through. He got the message loud and clear, that clingy isn't sexy and is cheerfully grateful for stolen moments. I think it was twice since I wrote here last. He is an unrepentant danger junkie though. He has suggested he has fantasized about taking someone in his own home just for the sheer 'wrongness' of it. He says he trusts me if I am every looking for an adrenaline fix. Fun to think about, sucks to get caught. Would be horrible to devastate an innocent like that...so likely a fantasy to remain unfullfilled.
Mark and I only managed one stolen session. It was carefully scheduled with generous time blocked out and was unremarkable except for the contrast from the last time. This time was soft, gentle, and dare I say loving. We met and joined at a languid pace, I recall mostly warm sunlight cutting the bed in half diagonally making for interesting plays of light. Weird thing to fix on I know.
Meanwhile Hubby and I have had our ups and downs. I still hold myself to the rule of no outside contact if we are on the outs...It seems to easy to console oneself with another and simply skip the bother of reconciliation if one can easily have ones needs met ala cart by one or more people. I don't think this applies just to sexual infidelity. Its much easier to get a sympathetic ear about your spouse than to discover the roots of the problem. What is a friend going to tell you but what you have led them to reflect back to you? It assuages bruised ego, but ultimately doesn't help you relate to your spouse. ~shrug~ Double the tendency to receive just the kind words you are looking to hear if the other party is a flirty/romantic/sexual tension sort of 'buddy'.
I know too many people that met when they were on the outs with their spouse and it never works. Especially if it is two wounded souls consoling each other. Their motives are actually pure. They each want to help this wonderful person that they can't imagine being mistreated so. The mistreatment is probably accurate and if anything under-reported. The 'wonderful' person really is. Unhindered by the baggage that accumulates in a long relationship, they are free to be their best and possibly truest self as we all are in a sense when we get a fresh start.
The problem lies in the unresolved bagage. It's still there, and it was mutual in some sens. Sure, one person is most likely the offended and one the offended, but whats the percentage? 60-40? 20-80? 5-95? whatever it is the roots of the next set of problems in the new relationship are sown. I read somewhere statistically couples that met in situations involving infideltity have a 3% survival rate. Reminds me of a country song I think its called "Then what?" where it says 'Whacha gonna do when the new wears off and the old shines through."
So, I've put some effort into mending. Nothing stark, nothing dramatic. Just tried to be a little more open minded about whether offense was actually intended. A little more clear in both speaking up promptly and without rancor when I do feel injured. Clearly stating that I am trying to avoid being accusatory, and really do want to understand.
Great line in Pulp fiction where Travolta as Vince Vega admits that he listens primarilly with the idea of planning his response.
As much as I truly enjoy the cloak and dagger aspect of the basic infidelity meme, it wouldn't detract from the sensory experiences if I found a way to include hubby in my adventures oout-right. I have been subtly steering conversations at widely spaced intervals around to the idea, which as I always thougth from the outset were not off the table for him, but with caveats and limitations he has suggested that I wouldn;t have thought of.
We have talked about maybe finding one of those voyeristic/exhibitionst 'swinger' clubs when we next find ourselves out of town. ~just looking~ we will tell ourselves. We have settled on the idea that what is commonly called "same room sex" would be pretty low risk where each stays with their partner and just enjoys the kink of watching the watchers.
Anyway, I had already decided on my 'let 'em watch' policy a week or so ago, but hadn't anything juicy to report so I held off saying anything.
Now returning you to perving on more currently active blogs.
I feel I should finally explain my manic jinking and dodging form blog to blog. I don't remember if I ever explained (except privately to a few of you) the reason for the abrupt moves.
I accessed the original blog from a computer that then fell into the hands of someone who (to put it charitably) has historically had a curious nature about other people's private activities. I doubt there was an mal-intention on their part, more an inquisitive search that yielded fruits and led them to that blog. Yes, there are privacy issues there and a violation of trust. What compounds the issue for me is that their life was once more interconnected to mine than it is now with our estranged status. (nothing to do with the blog or any of the blogs contents, but there would seem to be parallels). I'm being obtuse on purpose here. To further compound the dynamic, there were a few posts (I estimate 2-3) where reading between the lines if and only if you knew both myself and them you would recognize an intersection of their story and mine. You might even say there was an issue of not plagiarism, but a borrowed slice of real life that embellished my own as reported here. Awkward. No?
In addition though I have no concern that this person is out to cause me harm such as would hypothetically occur were she to bring this to the attention of my spouse, still there are assumptions that one would make about my spouse from reading here that either are not accurate or if accurate, not for public comsumption.
So I started over. Sort of. I enjoyed the writing and feedback so much that I couldn;t bear to sever the body of work, and simply was more scrupulous about changing names to protect the innocent and altered insignifigant details to make this more universal and less people specific. I lamented the fact though that there seems to be a change in both the direction of the blog and my real life as I second guess potential reactions if the new and improved lovation were discovered.
Well that time is upon me. To quote Poltergeist... 'Theyyyyre baaaack..."
Well not really 'they' a surrogate that was sent by the first party to keep an eye on the original blog. Initially this behavior made no sens whatsoever to me. Why were they sending what was clearly a mutual acquaintance to check morning and night each and every day. They stayed just long enough it seemed to report whether there was a new update, and ~poof~ they were gone. IN my fevered imagination I pictured them snipping the latest post and forwarding it to the original interloping acquaintance.
Recently (before the intermediary found "me" again...) I got a partial answer. The person that snooped on the computer I had used does not have internet access. They should have access from their phone at minimum, and they are more than technologically proficient to do so, so the whole thing got curiouser and curiouser. It is possible they had to drop internet service on phone too. I know lots of people that have embarrassingly given out new cell numbers as old plans have been discarded during belt tightening. ~shrug~ None of that matters, though the question is what to do about the intermediary. Flee again. Leave all the old posts behind start anew in mid tale?
The answer lies in the recent behavior of the intermediary. They have been respectful. They clearly haven't passed it on to others or I would have noticed the trail. Discretion is the essence of this blog and essential to its survival. If they were still checking in morning and night for brief seconds, I would feel scrutinized like an animal on the other side of the glass from a dis-interested public.
Instead, they seemingly have become engaged. They read whole swaths of posts, they stay for long minutes apparently reading. That's sort of the point of publishing, readership, no? In addition they have begun clicking through to some of the blogs I enjoy browsing both for their writing as well as the stories. I have this image of open-mouthed disbelief of the seedy underworld they have found themselves pointed towards while simply helping a friend.
So, in short, let 'em watch.
So, what did you miss? Not much. I think the intrusion had an impact in causing me to check some of my more outlandish behavior, but there were also changes in my personal so called real life. Work unexpectedly put greater demands, and life caught up chronologically to the blog. You see at some point I found it was hard to always tell the story as it unfolded, demands of life, privacy concerns got in the way. At one point (during the last hiatus) I had real life both having occurred and been written up, spell checked and ready to post in advance. I was nearly 2 weeks out at one point. For a while it got interesting in my personal correspondence trying not to confusingly let the cat out of the bag and let it unfold in real time for the readers.
So to get the chronology straight, It would appear that I have unreported the last two weeks of activity when in fact it has actually been nearly a month and a half since the planned encounter with Jen and/or her husband. It is a likely possibility, but it didn't materialize. They had some personal issues of their own to work through with boundaries and such and I begged off until I could see them more stable as a couple. They have individually and together assured me they have worked through that period, and I believe them. It somewhat caused me to go back and lay some better groundwork with my spouse. I value that relationship despite its obvious flaws immensely, and needed some time to re-evaluate.
That is not to say I have been entirely what you might call a "good girl'. Unless by good girl you mean it in the sense one might give me a playful pat on the head while I am, well you know...~blush~
So, I feel like I am editing soap opera digest and bringing viewers with actual jobs and lives up to date on all of the many tangled webs I have woven. Not that much to tell, which is fortunate or I shan't ever catch up.
I have browsed and giggled on Ashley Madison a bit. I think I mentioned I had a second profile for just girl-girl interest? If I hadn't mentioned it is interesting and was unexpected that most of those postings are actually couples it seems. Kind of weird to be propositioned to be a marital aid for a loving couple you meet on a site for cheaters, but I think it does make sense because Ashley Madison has some really great features that promote privacy such as right click being disabled so someone would really have to work at it to for example download your photo. You control who sees them and so on...I kind of think they need a whole 'nother site for kinksters that aren't necessarily cheating but don;t want Mom/Boss/Secretary/Neighbor/PTA to know specifically what their kinks are. If you take the suggestion A-M put me down for a 10% stake willya?
Anyway I browsed mostly, made no new 'real life' friends but had a couple of interesting exchanges online.
My cadre of paramours has reached a comfortable place thritely described as 'friends with benefits'. I didn;t used to liek the term but now that I have 2, well technically 3, it seems apt. Gabe has settled down a lot and benefitted greatly from the cooling off I put him through. He got the message loud and clear, that clingy isn't sexy and is cheerfully grateful for stolen moments. I think it was twice since I wrote here last. He is an unrepentant danger junkie though. He has suggested he has fantasized about taking someone in his own home just for the sheer 'wrongness' of it. He says he trusts me if I am every looking for an adrenaline fix. Fun to think about, sucks to get caught. Would be horrible to devastate an innocent like that...so likely a fantasy to remain unfullfilled.
Mark and I only managed one stolen session. It was carefully scheduled with generous time blocked out and was unremarkable except for the contrast from the last time. This time was soft, gentle, and dare I say loving. We met and joined at a languid pace, I recall mostly warm sunlight cutting the bed in half diagonally making for interesting plays of light. Weird thing to fix on I know.
Meanwhile Hubby and I have had our ups and downs. I still hold myself to the rule of no outside contact if we are on the outs...It seems to easy to console oneself with another and simply skip the bother of reconciliation if one can easily have ones needs met ala cart by one or more people. I don't think this applies just to sexual infidelity. Its much easier to get a sympathetic ear about your spouse than to discover the roots of the problem. What is a friend going to tell you but what you have led them to reflect back to you? It assuages bruised ego, but ultimately doesn't help you relate to your spouse. ~shrug~ Double the tendency to receive just the kind words you are looking to hear if the other party is a flirty/romantic/sexual tension sort of 'buddy'.
I know too many people that met when they were on the outs with their spouse and it never works. Especially if it is two wounded souls consoling each other. Their motives are actually pure. They each want to help this wonderful person that they can't imagine being mistreated so. The mistreatment is probably accurate and if anything under-reported. The 'wonderful' person really is. Unhindered by the baggage that accumulates in a long relationship, they are free to be their best and possibly truest self as we all are in a sense when we get a fresh start.
The problem lies in the unresolved bagage. It's still there, and it was mutual in some sens. Sure, one person is most likely the offended and one the offended, but whats the percentage? 60-40? 20-80? 5-95? whatever it is the roots of the next set of problems in the new relationship are sown. I read somewhere statistically couples that met in situations involving infideltity have a 3% survival rate. Reminds me of a country song I think its called "Then what?" where it says 'Whacha gonna do when the new wears off and the old shines through."
So, I've put some effort into mending. Nothing stark, nothing dramatic. Just tried to be a little more open minded about whether offense was actually intended. A little more clear in both speaking up promptly and without rancor when I do feel injured. Clearly stating that I am trying to avoid being accusatory, and really do want to understand.
Great line in Pulp fiction where Travolta as Vince Vega admits that he listens primarilly with the idea of planning his response.
As much as I truly enjoy the cloak and dagger aspect of the basic infidelity meme, it wouldn't detract from the sensory experiences if I found a way to include hubby in my adventures oout-right. I have been subtly steering conversations at widely spaced intervals around to the idea, which as I always thougth from the outset were not off the table for him, but with caveats and limitations he has suggested that I wouldn;t have thought of.
We have talked about maybe finding one of those voyeristic/exhibitionst 'swinger' clubs when we next find ourselves out of town. ~just looking~ we will tell ourselves. We have settled on the idea that what is commonly called "same room sex" would be pretty low risk where each stays with their partner and just enjoys the kink of watching the watchers.
Anyway, I had already decided on my 'let 'em watch' policy a week or so ago, but hadn't anything juicy to report so I held off saying anything.
Now returning you to perving on more currently active blogs.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Tentative Date.
Jen was emailed me today...We ended up on IM. I got the idea hubby was right there, and turned out he was. Awkward pauses ensued. They were hoping I would stop by tonight. Jen knows why this isn't feasable, her hubby of does not.
My best plan in advance alibi is Wednesday nights so I suggested that.
I eventually encouraged Jen to call me and had her call when I knew my hubby was out. She got rid of hers so we could talk. I told her about my trepidations of keeping up the facade of my willing husband. She understands and we have a "return date" scheduled for the Wednesday a week after.
If I'm going to take the risk of not being where I say I am, I figure might as well plan on a hot time. We instead though are having a "get-to-know-you" dinner date at a restaurant with a little bar with probably lounge-singer live music. It's one of those hotels attached places. Busy when conventions (rare) are in town and dead other times..ought to be dead this time.
I told Jen about Mark offering to be a stand-in hubby. She giggled about that. She didn't think it would be "necessary" as her hubby is uncomfortable with actually meeting mine. Doesn't want to think too much about it. She didn't get (or was avoiding thinking about) that I was offering to have her spend some "quality time" with Mark and I. Baby steps.
What we have planned is killing time on or "return date" by actually going out with Diana that night. I don't know if I will introduce Jen to Diana as what the situation is, or leave it as "a friend" that needs to get out.
Wen hubby got home from his errands, I kinda attacked him middle of the afternoon or not. On the one hand I was good and horny, but I wasn't "there" in a way and I think he sensed it. It is not without its costs doing the things I have been doing.
My best plan in advance alibi is Wednesday nights so I suggested that.
I eventually encouraged Jen to call me and had her call when I knew my hubby was out. She got rid of hers so we could talk. I told her about my trepidations of keeping up the facade of my willing husband. She understands and we have a "return date" scheduled for the Wednesday a week after.
If I'm going to take the risk of not being where I say I am, I figure might as well plan on a hot time. We instead though are having a "get-to-know-you" dinner date at a restaurant with a little bar with probably lounge-singer live music. It's one of those hotels attached places. Busy when conventions (rare) are in town and dead other times..ought to be dead this time.
I told Jen about Mark offering to be a stand-in hubby. She giggled about that. She didn't think it would be "necessary" as her hubby is uncomfortable with actually meeting mine. Doesn't want to think too much about it. She didn't get (or was avoiding thinking about) that I was offering to have her spend some "quality time" with Mark and I. Baby steps.
What we have planned is killing time on or "return date" by actually going out with Diana that night. I don't know if I will introduce Jen to Diana as what the situation is, or leave it as "a friend" that needs to get out.
Wen hubby got home from his errands, I kinda attacked him middle of the afternoon or not. On the one hand I was good and horny, but I wasn't "there" in a way and I think he sensed it. It is not without its costs doing the things I have been doing.
Friday, October 1, 2010
I hope I don't regret this....
Today at lunchtime I saw Diana across the building and invited her along. Looking back I'm sure I was intending at some level to 'fess up about some of my recent activities. I think what prompted it was the delicious excitement of talking to Jen about my adventures. I had a friend like Diana in my single days and she knew everything. I realized talking to Jen that dishing scandalous dirt after the fact used to be half the fun. Since I need to be discreet, it makes sense to keep my mouth shut.
What doesn't make sense is talking to Diana. She can be a bit of a ditz at times. I got to thinking about it though and realized that all of the "TMI" incidents I could think of involving her were about her own life. I don't think I've ever heard her passing on gossip. She seems like the kind of person you can trust with a secret, but she has to know its a secret or she might well spill it accidentally.
I realized as well that she hadn't really shared much more than the vaguest of hints about her current sex life and that just isn't like her. So I asked. "How's your sex life?"
She was pretty non-committal. again not like her. I said so. "There's reasons..." says she.
"Oooo a secret?"
She kind of grinned. I pursued it a bit and offered a little tease myself.
"Did I ever tell you about the guy I know with access to rentals?" I went on to tell her a little about Gabe making it sound very casual (which it is) and kinda past tense. (Which it may head towards.)
I told her about how he has access, yada yada, and sometimes takes a girlfriend to one of them for a little privacy. I gave enough detail about the place that without really consciously meaning to I put myself in the room.
"Is he married?" she asked point blank.
"Uh, yeah," I said then joked..."But so am I so that cancels it out!"
She laughed at that, and eased into her situation. She has a guy, he's married, she made me promise not to guess but when she mentioned that he is part of the reason that she doesn't flaunt her love life around the office, I read between the lines it is a co-worker. Interesting...not gonna speculate...not gonna speculate....not gonna...hmmmm
I asked whether he was the jeaulous type...she was puzzled at first and then said, "No, why would he be? He is spoken for anyway!" but then added that she just doesn;t want to rub his face in her other interests so it doesn't look like she is pressuring him or playing games. Makes sense actually.
I comiserated and explained I worry that "Condo guy" is getting a little possessive and maybe jeaulous.
"Of your husband?!"
I realized I had really stepped into it here...I acknowledged that I had more than one interest out there...
"Wow, I wouldn't have figured!"
Neither of us really gave any juicy details, but I enjoyed the exchange.
I emailed Jen but it was sort of that whole friendship maintenance sort of thing, 'Hi, How are you...' etc I worry that I am sending flaky signals or rejection signals, which I am not. Just not sure what to do with her, (them) and worry she might be a little fragile about appearances, as she has mentioned it a couple of times, like "I realize I won't be everyone's type." I have tried to reassure her. She has great skin, a cute curvy figure, and a killer smile. She worries about 15-20 lbs which she carries pretty well in the pictures I think.
What doesn't make sense is talking to Diana. She can be a bit of a ditz at times. I got to thinking about it though and realized that all of the "TMI" incidents I could think of involving her were about her own life. I don't think I've ever heard her passing on gossip. She seems like the kind of person you can trust with a secret, but she has to know its a secret or she might well spill it accidentally.
I realized as well that she hadn't really shared much more than the vaguest of hints about her current sex life and that just isn't like her. So I asked. "How's your sex life?"
She was pretty non-committal. again not like her. I said so. "There's reasons..." says she.
"Oooo a secret?"
She kind of grinned. I pursued it a bit and offered a little tease myself.
"Did I ever tell you about the guy I know with access to rentals?" I went on to tell her a little about Gabe making it sound very casual (which it is) and kinda past tense. (Which it may head towards.)
I told her about how he has access, yada yada, and sometimes takes a girlfriend to one of them for a little privacy. I gave enough detail about the place that without really consciously meaning to I put myself in the room.
"Is he married?" she asked point blank.
"Uh, yeah," I said then joked..."But so am I so that cancels it out!"
She laughed at that, and eased into her situation. She has a guy, he's married, she made me promise not to guess but when she mentioned that he is part of the reason that she doesn't flaunt her love life around the office, I read between the lines it is a co-worker. Interesting...not gonna speculate...not gonna speculate....not gonna...hmmmm
I asked whether he was the jeaulous type...she was puzzled at first and then said, "No, why would he be? He is spoken for anyway!" but then added that she just doesn;t want to rub his face in her other interests so it doesn't look like she is pressuring him or playing games. Makes sense actually.
I comiserated and explained I worry that "Condo guy" is getting a little possessive and maybe jeaulous.
"Of your husband?!"
I realized I had really stepped into it here...I acknowledged that I had more than one interest out there...
"Wow, I wouldn't have figured!"
Neither of us really gave any juicy details, but I enjoyed the exchange.
I emailed Jen but it was sort of that whole friendship maintenance sort of thing, 'Hi, How are you...' etc I worry that I am sending flaky signals or rejection signals, which I am not. Just not sure what to do with her, (them) and worry she might be a little fragile about appearances, as she has mentioned it a couple of times, like "I realize I won't be everyone's type." I have tried to reassure her. She has great skin, a cute curvy figure, and a killer smile. She worries about 15-20 lbs which she carries pretty well in the pictures I think.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Cooling off...
It seems feast of famine...
Mark is always a little harder to pin down schedule wise, and for some reason I am not assertive with him, and he doesn;t push...he has asked me more about Jen but nothing much has happened there.
Jen and I email, but after the initial giddy flush of excitement we seem to be waiting forthe other to make some sort of move. I'm sure I'll have to be the one to initiate, but I just worry that the reality won't match the fantasy I have bulit up in my head..so kinda cooling off there..I'll do something eventually, but not sure what she wants/they want/Iwant, etc.
Gabe I am cooling off on purpose. He is starting to get under my skin. He sent a note this morning that said he'll be at "our place' in case I decide to drop by. Said he'll have a bottle of wine open..like I'm going to come back to work late AND drunk. I mean one or the other, am I right?
Meanwhile I am trolling online for something else. Like I have the time.
Mark is always a little harder to pin down schedule wise, and for some reason I am not assertive with him, and he doesn;t push...he has asked me more about Jen but nothing much has happened there.
Jen and I email, but after the initial giddy flush of excitement we seem to be waiting forthe other to make some sort of move. I'm sure I'll have to be the one to initiate, but I just worry that the reality won't match the fantasy I have bulit up in my head..so kinda cooling off there..I'll do something eventually, but not sure what she wants/they want/Iwant, etc.
Gabe I am cooling off on purpose. He is starting to get under my skin. He sent a note this morning that said he'll be at "our place' in case I decide to drop by. Said he'll have a bottle of wine open..like I'm going to come back to work late AND drunk. I mean one or the other, am I right?
Meanwhile I am trolling online for something else. Like I have the time.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
My dance card is pretty full...
I was pretty worked up last night with all the possibilities after talking to Jen. I had a vague idea of setting some groundwork to include hubby. It seems like a reasonable entry point and pretty non-threatening. I could either tell him the truth or parts thereof. Either he would be OK with a swap as it is, or if not, he sure isn;t going to object to another girl in our bed, is he?
I wasn't sure how to proceed so I started with a few verbal nibbles about Diana. I wondered aloud what she would be like if she were Bi. Hubby didn't have a lot to add to the speculation but had an agreeable grin throughout my musings. I wandered closer to the truth suggesting we look into where a plyable woman could be located that might be interested in a threesome. He was pretty mute on suggesting anything, though I know for a fact (obviously) he knows about Craigslist at the least. I suggested generically a personal ad or maybe a lesbian club. Both of us actually are truly ignorant of where such a club would be found. Decent size metropolitan area there has to be one.
It ended up being a pretty intense and therefore shortish session but as I told him, "I got mine."
I went back on Ashley-Madison on a whim this lunch hour because when you first sign up there is an option for a woman seeking a woman (or a man seeking a man for that matter) I hadn't selected that so I set up a shiny new profile and was amazed that in fact many of those ads are couples seeking a girl. Hmm something to think about but I can;t have hubby browsing there!
Meanwhile, I talked to Gabe a few moments ago by IM. He didn't mention his frantic emails of yesterday and I didn't bring it up. He was trying to commit me to a specific time for our next meet. I felt a little pressured and rebelled played dumb at the idea he was trying to close me. Salesmen. Always selling something.Come to think of it Mark is in sales too. Hmmm. So anyway I put Gabe off. He needs to cool off a bit I think. He doesn't have any real details about me, so I guess I don;t have to worry about him showing up at work or worse home, but still he is giving a needy vibe and that isn't attractive.
So I emailed Mark. He seems able to get his head around the idea that cheaters can't expect fidelity. I asked him how he would feel as a stand in for my husband if it comes to that with Jen. I explained his duties would be onerous and would necessitate him fucking another woman whilst I watch/help/participate but that I'd make the burden worth his while.
I told him it was unlikely though as Jen has permission to fuck my husband but a stand-in may be stretching her morals a bit.
I briefly considered sending a message to Brian who I appreciate waiting in the drawer obediently. But that seems a bit much. Like I said: my dance card is a bit full.
~update~
Mark fired right back saying he is "up" to the task. He asked why in the hell I didn't just tell her my handsome husband's name is Mark. I sent back explaining our heart to heart without going into her personal details...
hmmm perhaps Mark and June should seek out a couple....Ok this is getting complicated.
I wasn't sure how to proceed so I started with a few verbal nibbles about Diana. I wondered aloud what she would be like if she were Bi. Hubby didn't have a lot to add to the speculation but had an agreeable grin throughout my musings. I wandered closer to the truth suggesting we look into where a plyable woman could be located that might be interested in a threesome. He was pretty mute on suggesting anything, though I know for a fact (obviously) he knows about Craigslist at the least. I suggested generically a personal ad or maybe a lesbian club. Both of us actually are truly ignorant of where such a club would be found. Decent size metropolitan area there has to be one.
It ended up being a pretty intense and therefore shortish session but as I told him, "I got mine."
I went back on Ashley-Madison on a whim this lunch hour because when you first sign up there is an option for a woman seeking a woman (or a man seeking a man for that matter) I hadn't selected that so I set up a shiny new profile and was amazed that in fact many of those ads are couples seeking a girl. Hmm something to think about but I can;t have hubby browsing there!
Meanwhile, I talked to Gabe a few moments ago by IM. He didn't mention his frantic emails of yesterday and I didn't bring it up. He was trying to commit me to a specific time for our next meet. I felt a little pressured and rebelled played dumb at the idea he was trying to close me. Salesmen. Always selling something.Come to think of it Mark is in sales too. Hmmm. So anyway I put Gabe off. He needs to cool off a bit I think. He doesn't have any real details about me, so I guess I don;t have to worry about him showing up at work or worse home, but still he is giving a needy vibe and that isn't attractive.
So I emailed Mark. He seems able to get his head around the idea that cheaters can't expect fidelity. I asked him how he would feel as a stand in for my husband if it comes to that with Jen. I explained his duties would be onerous and would necessitate him fucking another woman whilst I watch/help/participate but that I'd make the burden worth his while.
I told him it was unlikely though as Jen has permission to fuck my husband but a stand-in may be stretching her morals a bit.
I briefly considered sending a message to Brian who I appreciate waiting in the drawer obediently. But that seems a bit much. Like I said: my dance card is a bit full.
~update~
Mark fired right back saying he is "up" to the task. He asked why in the hell I didn't just tell her my handsome husband's name is Mark. I sent back explaining our heart to heart without going into her personal details...
hmmm perhaps Mark and June should seek out a couple....Ok this is getting complicated.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Partner in Crime?
Talked to 'Jen' today for quite a while. Got some things out on the table.
I had already admitted to her that hubby doesn't know I contacted them and might never know. That realistically it would be difficult to mention it to him after the fact and go through with a meeting if I had already spent time with them as a couple.
She admitted that although this had sort of evolved from an idea of her husbands when they couldn't find a single girl to join them, she loved the idea of some "alone time" with a couple herself. We talked about it in terms of cuckolding although I din;t use that term.
It seems that her husband is OK with her going with a couple, but its one of those close his eyes and not think about it things. He doesn't want to hear about it except as it pertains to the girl-girl stuff. I pointed out he could have serious regrets about it if he truly isn't into her being with the couple as a couple.
I ended up talking to him myself. I had told Jen to give him some privacy because I didn't want him to tell me in her presence what he thinks she or I want to hear. He admitted it made him nervous, but he said he was totally OK with her reciprocating on 'our end'. Bear in mind 'our end' is just me, actually. I pursued the thought pretty hard with him. Asking "Do you just want to see the two of us together and set a limit on what happens when Jen visits?"
He was pretty emphatic that although he is nervous he thinks it is exciting that she is as excited about the visit. She gave me the impression that she had kept to herself the excitement she felt about her freedom to be with both haves of the couple... Either she had been more explicit than she thinks or he more perceptive.
So point blank I said, "The deal I have with my husband is ANYTHING you do with me, he gets to do with Jen."
"Understood."
I went on to explain that depending on how things go, how we all feel, I intended to make any and everything available. "You realize that will likely mean I am watching my husband fucking Jen senseless?"
He got kind of quiet but As I probed further I realized he was kind of excited about it. It helped that I described in graphic terms what he could expect of me and to picture Jen would be doing the same things later.
When he gave the phone back to Jen we just chatted innocuously I somehow was having trouble going back and forth between them. Made me wonder how I would handle the two of them together. I ended up casually mentioning to Jen to call me when he goes out. I had for the most part talked to them from my car, occaisionally havinjg to watch what I say as I went in and stood in line for my lunch and did a coupld of errands.
I was picking up some things in an office supply store and it was pretty empty. I had that privacy in public illusion you get in public at the time. This is not when I was discussing anything graphic, but an odd half smile from a woman I ran into several aisles later made me replay it in my head wondering what i had said.
Its hard to think straight when in the throes of whatever it is I am in the throes of, so I better watch it.
So tonight Jen called me back after her hubby went out for a while. We really talked then. I was tempted just to give her this blog to bring her up to speed, but that is a Rubicon I don't think I should cross with anyone. Once you know people you know read your blog I am sure it changes how you write and what you say.
I did give her the synopsis of my recent activities. She was shocked that I have two paramours at the moment. asked a lot about how I met them and so on. She almost seemed to be taking notes. I felt a little slutty when I laid it out to someone else in the cold light of day. She wanted details and in the telling I lost a little of my shyness in the euphoria of telling it and reliving it as I did.
Turns out she has had some extra-marital experience herself. She kinda told me to make me feel less guilty as she said. Turns out she had me by a couple as she admitted to having had five separate flings in her I think nine year marriage. She explained that only one of them was an on=going thing but she broke that off when it got 'too intense'. The others, 'just happened'.
We talked about that and it seems she is open to cheating but has to feel like she hadn't sought it out. As I pointed out the end result is the same and she gets better quality if she influences the events...she seemed pretty open to that idea. She said she couldn't bring herself to hit on someone. She had had a lot of questions about Ashley-Madison and we basically left it that she was going to sneak onto there and 'have a look.' Not sure how I feel about being the corrupter of semi-innocent housewives. She actually is by the way, a housewife. Stays home, watches the kids. Doesn't do PTA. Does bake cookies. Like that.
We talked about how to handle me not having a willing hubby on my end as advertised. I was dangling the bait of Mark out there, but she didn't catch on or wasn't interested, not sure. She giggled that we should just go shopping and eat ice-cream and tell her hubby she got rode hard. I suggested maybe we just have some girl-girl time alone. She was enthusiastic about that idea. She pointed out it would probably be different to be alone together than to feel like we were performing for her hubby (Or my semi-imaginary one). We flirted with the idea of a pre-date date, but worried we would somehow give it away that we weren't surprised enough by each other.
I told her about Diana and how there is some tension there, but as co-workers its awkward and I don;t trust her not to say something, because she kinda speaks before she thinks sometimes. Not a good co-conspirator. I mentioned going to the bar with Diana at my husbands urging and she thought his being OK with that was curious. She said hers would totally go for it because as far as he was concerned she was reeling in a girl for a three-way.
We decided to tell her husband that mine is getting cold feet but is still somewhat open to the idea. That way there is no pressure to set a date that I may or may not have an alibi for.
When I logged in to write this I had several increasingly urgent messages from Gabe. He seemed miffed that I wasn't online to check in this morning. I kinda didn't like his tone. I didn't fire back as I considered as I do have fun with him. One of the messages said something about "You're probably tied up on a hot date?"
Not that it is any of his business. I have hinted with both Mark and Gabe that I have other interests in a way to let them know I am not interested in a formal arrangement. I mean really I am cheating!!..must I be faithful to a paramour?? I have been fairly explicit with Brian of course I took the analogy of his being a dildo in my drawer of sex-toys almost to saying almpst that way. Brian the dildo seemed to be a little more gentlemanly about despite his youth and inexperience than Gabe.
Damn! I just realized I didn't even mention Brian in my confessional with Jen. I'll have to go back to booth and say a few "Hail Jen's" or something. Weird I left him out.
I had already admitted to her that hubby doesn't know I contacted them and might never know. That realistically it would be difficult to mention it to him after the fact and go through with a meeting if I had already spent time with them as a couple.
She admitted that although this had sort of evolved from an idea of her husbands when they couldn't find a single girl to join them, she loved the idea of some "alone time" with a couple herself. We talked about it in terms of cuckolding although I din;t use that term.
It seems that her husband is OK with her going with a couple, but its one of those close his eyes and not think about it things. He doesn't want to hear about it except as it pertains to the girl-girl stuff. I pointed out he could have serious regrets about it if he truly isn't into her being with the couple as a couple.
I ended up talking to him myself. I had told Jen to give him some privacy because I didn't want him to tell me in her presence what he thinks she or I want to hear. He admitted it made him nervous, but he said he was totally OK with her reciprocating on 'our end'. Bear in mind 'our end' is just me, actually. I pursued the thought pretty hard with him. Asking "Do you just want to see the two of us together and set a limit on what happens when Jen visits?"
He was pretty emphatic that although he is nervous he thinks it is exciting that she is as excited about the visit. She gave me the impression that she had kept to herself the excitement she felt about her freedom to be with both haves of the couple... Either she had been more explicit than she thinks or he more perceptive.
So point blank I said, "The deal I have with my husband is ANYTHING you do with me, he gets to do with Jen."
"Understood."
I went on to explain that depending on how things go, how we all feel, I intended to make any and everything available. "You realize that will likely mean I am watching my husband fucking Jen senseless?"
He got kind of quiet but As I probed further I realized he was kind of excited about it. It helped that I described in graphic terms what he could expect of me and to picture Jen would be doing the same things later.
When he gave the phone back to Jen we just chatted innocuously I somehow was having trouble going back and forth between them. Made me wonder how I would handle the two of them together. I ended up casually mentioning to Jen to call me when he goes out. I had for the most part talked to them from my car, occaisionally havinjg to watch what I say as I went in and stood in line for my lunch and did a coupld of errands.
I was picking up some things in an office supply store and it was pretty empty. I had that privacy in public illusion you get in public at the time. This is not when I was discussing anything graphic, but an odd half smile from a woman I ran into several aisles later made me replay it in my head wondering what i had said.
Its hard to think straight when in the throes of whatever it is I am in the throes of, so I better watch it.
So tonight Jen called me back after her hubby went out for a while. We really talked then. I was tempted just to give her this blog to bring her up to speed, but that is a Rubicon I don't think I should cross with anyone. Once you know people you know read your blog I am sure it changes how you write and what you say.
I did give her the synopsis of my recent activities. She was shocked that I have two paramours at the moment. asked a lot about how I met them and so on. She almost seemed to be taking notes. I felt a little slutty when I laid it out to someone else in the cold light of day. She wanted details and in the telling I lost a little of my shyness in the euphoria of telling it and reliving it as I did.
Turns out she has had some extra-marital experience herself. She kinda told me to make me feel less guilty as she said. Turns out she had me by a couple as she admitted to having had five separate flings in her I think nine year marriage. She explained that only one of them was an on=going thing but she broke that off when it got 'too intense'. The others, 'just happened'.
We talked about that and it seems she is open to cheating but has to feel like she hadn't sought it out. As I pointed out the end result is the same and she gets better quality if she influences the events...she seemed pretty open to that idea. She said she couldn't bring herself to hit on someone. She had had a lot of questions about Ashley-Madison and we basically left it that she was going to sneak onto there and 'have a look.' Not sure how I feel about being the corrupter of semi-innocent housewives. She actually is by the way, a housewife. Stays home, watches the kids. Doesn't do PTA. Does bake cookies. Like that.
We talked about how to handle me not having a willing hubby on my end as advertised. I was dangling the bait of Mark out there, but she didn't catch on or wasn't interested, not sure. She giggled that we should just go shopping and eat ice-cream and tell her hubby she got rode hard. I suggested maybe we just have some girl-girl time alone. She was enthusiastic about that idea. She pointed out it would probably be different to be alone together than to feel like we were performing for her hubby (Or my semi-imaginary one). We flirted with the idea of a pre-date date, but worried we would somehow give it away that we weren't surprised enough by each other.
I told her about Diana and how there is some tension there, but as co-workers its awkward and I don;t trust her not to say something, because she kinda speaks before she thinks sometimes. Not a good co-conspirator. I mentioned going to the bar with Diana at my husbands urging and she thought his being OK with that was curious. She said hers would totally go for it because as far as he was concerned she was reeling in a girl for a three-way.
We decided to tell her husband that mine is getting cold feet but is still somewhat open to the idea. That way there is no pressure to set a date that I may or may not have an alibi for.
When I logged in to write this I had several increasingly urgent messages from Gabe. He seemed miffed that I wasn't online to check in this morning. I kinda didn't like his tone. I didn't fire back as I considered as I do have fun with him. One of the messages said something about "You're probably tied up on a hot date?"
Not that it is any of his business. I have hinted with both Mark and Gabe that I have other interests in a way to let them know I am not interested in a formal arrangement. I mean really I am cheating!!..must I be faithful to a paramour?? I have been fairly explicit with Brian of course I took the analogy of his being a dildo in my drawer of sex-toys almost to saying almpst that way. Brian the dildo seemed to be a little more gentlemanly about despite his youth and inexperience than Gabe.
Damn! I just realized I didn't even mention Brian in my confessional with Jen. I'll have to go back to booth and say a few "Hail Jen's" or something. Weird I left him out.
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