He did not have sexual relations with that woman...

Not once..

Me being the woman, and Jim reprising the role of a frustratingly more moral Clinton.

We were chatting yesterday after he confessed to being very uncomfortable in his chair at work after using his smart phone to read my last entry.

"I can help you with that." I chirped referencing his discomfort about sitting in a snug fitting pair pf pants, yet embarrassed to stand up.

"I'm sure you could. And I'm sure you'd wear me out. And I'm sure I'd look guilty when I got home."

We discussed at length the reasoning behind his fidelity. All good reasons really.

He is happy with his wife sexually. Describes her as imaginative, fun, multiply and easily orgasmic. (Bitch!)

He is happy with her as companion, described their first year of marriage with a broken TV as the happiest, reading in companionable silence.

He admitted that he doesn't handle guilt well. Apparently one time he 'came close' as he puts it to consummating an emotional affair he told her. (Dumb ass) He told himself he isn't going to put her through that again. (so don't tell, DUMB ASS!) On balance he gets a pass here, maybe.

"What would you change?" I probed. (pun intended!)

He admitted that her housekeeping skills are sub par to say the least.

"It's not that I expected a maid, its just the willful defiance in her eyes when she watches me notice the chaos. The way she shows disrespect for my own efforts at housekeeping by undoing the work I put in. I can come home, do some dishes so I can cook a meal, clean up after myself and come home the next day to see those same pans in the sink again. She seems to want me to come down as the angry dad to MAKE her do it so she can sulk and I refuse." I thought this was actually apt so I asked him if I could clip and post it.

"Have you said it that way to her?"

"Well, in therapy, she complains that she detests therapy because it seems to boil down to her being a lousy housekeeper." He tries a brave face again.."Did I mention she fucks like a porn star?"

Changing the subject I brought up again my unreasonable (his term for it) sexual attraction to him. He pointed out that although he admitted sneaking a peek at me, I have no idea what he looks like. We've been over that I haven't even asked for a description. I freely admit that i will fuck him 5 ways from Sunday, even on a Sunday (in a church if need be.), Sight unseen.

This led to a discussion about male vs. female attraction. Went nowhere. He's a guy. 'nuff said.

We mutually agreed that our relationship, (it clearly at this point is a relationship; weird though it is) is on many levels inappropriate for either of us as married people to engage in. I am less constrained than him because I feel justified by my hubby's behavior, and the fact that I have already committed honest to god adultery - yummy. Also he comes from more repressive background...come to think of it he and hubby could hang out.

(wait did I say yummy out loud?)

I point out that his encouraging me to cuckold my husband in the stereotypical hubby in the corner watching was really a mirror of his own desires. I asked about how he felt about me blowing that boy in the parking lot. He admitted that it appealed to the voyeur in him to hear about it.

We explored, I probed. His chastity belt held up (so far.) We talked about what he would and wouldn't be able to rationalize. He, unlike Clinton would consider a BJ sexual relations. Ditto cigar or even cigarillo penetration.

What about if I had dared to blow parking lot boy in our parking lot. Would he watch?

Hell yes...

What about in a hotel room? Uh, no. Why not. Too dangerous. (Flying bodily fluids?) So its a proximity thing. Hmmm... I'll respect his boundaries but I am damn sure gonna push them!

Would he watch me on cam? Maybe. Hmm progress. He points out that his home situation would make it unlikely that he and I could find a privacy window mutually, but worth thinking about methinks..

How about if we invite Wifey? Hell yes he said but unlikely. She isn't into chicks? No, he says we, like you talk about things like that but its understood as all talk.

Perfect I said, so its just details...you firm up the talk into action on your end, I'll do the same on my end. We'll plan on dressing up my husband in your wife's dirty lingerie, tie him to a chair in the corner and you and I can fuck you wife while she wears a french maid's outfit.

"OH, Low blow!" he says. "But an effective image."

Under There...

Under where? Yep, under there!

If you were to look under there you would have to conclude I am obviously a slut.

I have made it a point for the last 10 days to be sure I am wearing the sluttiest of undergarmets under there.

10 days ago, I actually went into a Walgreens, bought a pair of nude thigh-highs and put them on in the bathroom at work..This is after I removed my panties and placed them in my purse. There was nothing wrong with the Victoria's Secret pink panties I was wearing, they just had that whole sexy scoolgirl vibe and I was going for office WHORE, at least inmy mind. (For the lingrie fetishits out there yes they were both pink in color and from Vickys Pink line.

I selected nude for the day because I thought It might be log to have bare legs in the morning and say black fichnets and or back seams after lunch. I wanted to FEEL like a slut not get the reputaion of BEING one!

Why you ask, did I adorn my shapely legs so in the workplace?

Well... I got to thinking..

I know Jim corresponded with my hubby in response to his ad for someone to seduce wifey at the acme coyote supply house where I work. He seemd to have backed off and thought better of it with Jim. He never gave my name (not intentionally - though Jim being the clever perve that he is figured it out). Never offered a picture...

What if he had other applicants he deemed even more cleverly seductive than Jim.

How am I to flush them out of the woodwork if I don't give off a devil may care if I am a slut vibe?

This thought occurred to me from an IM conversation with Jim. If he is reading this he may not recall, but it went something like this...

Me: So how come you didn't hit on me at work or at least perve on me a bit.

Jim: How would you know if I didn't?

Me: Huh?

Jim: I am a curious guy, would you really expect I wouldn;t at least cruise through your area?

Me: What area?

Jim: (insert descriptive dialog that had me mouth agape when I could see that he could see my actual cubicle, and likelyt me on the phone therein.)

Me..Harumph..or something like that..

I wanted to follow up but thougt better of it..

Now I should explain, the place that employs the two of us is practically a city unto itself. Everytime I tell someone where I work, they almost always say..Oh do you know (insert name of aunt, cousin, neighbor, ex, brother) So and so? No, I always explain but its a huge place.

So it isn't inconceivable that we might never pass. But we have..apparently..

So, I decided for any of the many possible voyeurs that like to cruise past my cubicle I would ensure that I was ready should they decide to ravish mein the supply closet.

So Jim if you are reading this..I have met the eye and smiled in a deliberate way at every single strange man I have seen in the area for the last while...I have uncrossed and crossed my legs to the point of near chafing myself...I have actually worn (once, nervously) a pair of backseamed honest-to-god stockings held up by garter straps peaking out from beneath a longer skirt.

My co-workers should be wondering about the growth spurt since every slender heel I have tottoered on this last week was at least three and a half inches...

I have been blatently hand washing this finery and hanging them conspicously from the shower rod nightly...

I hope hubby has noticed...

I hope hubby has wondered...

I hope hubby has beenaroused in kinkilly disturbing ways thinking about it...

I hope he re-contacts Jim with his whole "Seduce my wife in the workplace scheme".

Beacause if he does....

I am going to take a sick day...I am going to have Jim take me to his house, fuck me in his wife's bed, wearing her lingerie, calling me his wifes name, acting out every kinky slutty nasty fantasy he has ever wanted his wife to submit to....

And then I'm going to massage Jim's overworked muscles as I look over his shoulder as he sends the glorious details to my husband. Every sordid detail.

Disguised as a fictional tale. "Man if I could get with your wife, I'd sure love to....."

ARRGHH!..Post were saved to draft not "Published"

not lost, but it is so hard after the fact to go back and get them in the right order! some of them I went back and edited so the date is off and I can;t seem to decide which post has to go before what...There was a whole post about the disaster in actually trying the speed dating...I am going to have to rewrite what I remeber about that...

Disasterous Double Dating...

I don't remember what the title of this post was when I originally wrote it but I remember it being wicked clever and using alliteration, or onomatopoeia or something.

I knew that there were SO many things likely to go wrong with my speed dating fantasy that there is no way I would try it, even if I had a stable of very dependable discrete lovers/professional actors and a script writer and choreographer. SO there was no way I would meet one stranger much less many anyplace that my husband was near. (Unless of course it really was a random pick-up in front of my husband...maybe I should wear shorter skirts and wink a lot?)

SO...being one to obsess..I thought about modified versions...I ran it by "The Guys". Actually had a "Date" with 6 of them to come to a particular crowded, loud place that I know of, but have never been and no one I know goes. I say I had a date, because since all but one were married/in a relationship/Or likely lived in their mom's basement....They may have to be a no show...and that doesn't count the actual being stood up potential.

As it turned out three definitely showed, talked to two, ran out of there like a scalded cat before I had a chance to actually meet #3, and 4th claimed he was there but either was shy, clueless, or lying.

My "Signal" was supposed to my rather cute pair of red strappy heels. I figured it would be a way to either discretely notice who is looking for me or flush out the foot fetishists! (what girl couldn't use a foot massage?...J/K)

I had pictures of the guys faces. Some eagerly given, some more shyly..

First problem was there wasn't a set order they were supposed to approach..A couple of the guys that would have been on the guest list were dis-invited because they independently and persistently suggested the easy solution to the speed date logistics was a gang bang.(Not that there's anything wrong with that in fantasy / theory... Just not in a crowded bar methinks)

I don't want to bother giving these guys memorable names, because nothing happened and if something later develops with one of the guys I'll just mention then that he was one of the guys...

Take that back...one guy needs a name..and he won;t be back..lets just call him Jerk.

He was actually the second one I talked to, and the reason I abruptly left.

Everyone was supposed to get there between 6:30 and 7:00 during the "Happy Hour" and I was supposed to make a grand entrance at 7:00 to my adoring fans.

I was nervous and wanted to sneak an early look so I got there at just after 6 and was scanning the room when I locked eyes with a guy clearly looking at me..Yup..someone else with the same idea.

He smiled, shrugged, and looked down at my strappy shoes and back up.

He pointed at his wrist (where he like nearly everyone these days I just realized) wasn't wearing a watch. Its like saying dialing the phone...) He made a little come here then waggled his hand like I don't no more or less? Rather than re-invent sign language I got the idea, he wanted to know if it was OK he was early...I went over to him. He offered to buy me a drink, I said better not, yet.

He seemed nice, we talked mostly about how odd this whole situation was and I admitted that I was getting cold feet because I hadn't "dated" in years and several at once was a little overwhelming. I admitted to him that specifically 6 had invites...

He said he was the only one there so far. That agreed with my assessment, but I was curious how he knew that since he wouldn't have seen the pictures.

"Simple" I've been watching where guys are looking when girls come in. No one looks like they are definitely expecting anyone and huge racks are getting most of the attention.

I Laughed..I kind of liked this one...

I told him to hold down the fort I was going to go out and come in on schedule.

I actually walked from my car..(deliberately parked a little out of the way, but accessible for a get-away which turned out to be prescient )...twice, I got to the entrance early so I pretended I forgot something..-V8 smack to the head-..and came in the second time right at 7:00.

Jerk was acting as the doorman practically. Totally a good thing that hubby was no where around..(tax seminar)

He grabbed me by the elbow and practically dragged me to a booth where he had me corralled...

"What am I getting you to drink?" he asserted...ACTUALLY snapping his fingers at a waitress. She did come over nice waitress smile with I thought a hint of sympathy for what was probably my deer in the headlights look.

I ordered a cola...

He tried to get the waitress to add rum..I emphatically said no...

"So you want to get out of here?" he said like it was the most natural thing in the world. Apparently Mr. Take Charge works for him..considering the title of the blog, it wasn't working on this girl..I was already picturing him bent over and spanked and not in a good way.

Meanwhile guy number three was practically cued up in line a little ways away. Milling about nervously..

Jerk, oblivious as he is even noticed. "Yeah like he has a shot!" he smirked.

REALLY irritated me that Jerk was right..number three might have potential in another place but he was so obviously out of his element it was a little painful to watch..

Early Bird was scoring points for discretion with his wan smile clear across the room and without being obvious about it not making eye contact. Even approached a couple of girls chattering drunkenly and made them laugh a bit. I didn't sense it was "look at me I'm a player." Just killing time pleasantly.

I have no idea what Jerk talked about...it didn't seem to matter that I gave him a blank look every time it appeared he had asked a question. He answered his questions to me for me.

I couldn't think of a single way to extricate myself, other than flat out ditching him.

So I did. The whole bathroom dodge must've been something he has gotten used to because when I said I had to go visit it, and slid the WHOLE way around the U shaped booth to get away, I think he knew. His eyes hardened a little. Then he tried a little swaggering "you'll be back." grin. I wasn't.

Thank goodness for crowds and large people.

On the way home I used my phone to access AM and send him a lame message about I thought I saw someone I knew and had to duck out...I sent a note to early bird thanking him for being gentlemanly. He acknowledged said it was nice to meet you and didn'tt pursue..I wasn't actually brushing him off but think he thought that. I didn't have the energy to address Mr. Nervous and he apparently didn't have the courage to ask me what happened so I let that lie.

Number four picked entirely the wrong tone. His excoriating me for being a No-Show was just irritating. I hadn't seen him..(He wasn't Mr. Nervous) and I was pretty sure I was there, since I had been there and had seen myself.

I figure he was late or oblivious. Or maybe the interminable time spent with The Jerk wasn't nearly as long as it seemed.

Suddenly the suggested choreographed Gang-bang from fellows 7 and 8 didn't seem so awkward. Pass.

WAY too ambitious.

hmm as I worked on labels for this post I realized I DID give them names..I don't think you'll see two out of three of them again.

Speed dating fantasy...

So, I have been spending a dangerously influential amount of time on ashely madison. I have explained the flirting with danger near hubby aspect of my fantasies to the great enthusiam of most men but the most paranoid.

A common thieme in are "wouldn't it be hot if...?" scenarios is the 'pick-up in a bar' while hubby sits and pretends not to be with me.

This is something that my husband and I talked about often both when we were actually out and just pilloow talk.

You know the whole, dress as a hooker and get picked up in front of the bartender by the customer as played by husband is one version.

The flirt-with-a-stranger is another version and I always felt that was his favorite fantasy.

Funny that we never actually played it out. It excites and scares him I think. He does often make suggestions about what to wear when we are going to go somewhere that is more likely to be a pick-up spot. He knows better than to lay-out my entire outfit, but he'll sort of shyly say those red shoes of yours would be sexy tonight, or when he's feeling bold he'll say you should totally wear your slut dress tonight. Thats pretty obviusly a signal. (The slutdress is a crushed velvet shoulder baring, SNUG and a little short but not obviously so. I do get looks in it and he loves that.)

He will on such "cruising' nights while it is unstated, come n with me, pretend not to notice the looks (he sucks at not being obvious) and excuse himself for periods of times...his hovering in the background couldn;t be more noticebale, and guys don;t approach me. I do notice guys sometimes with bemused expressions using their Periphials (40 year old virgin reference?).

He'll say things like "give out any numbers while I was in the men's room?" in a joking tone..Sometimes I play along whispering that that guy over there was hitting on me...we laugh, he gets horny, we have a nice fuck later usually not discussing the event.

For such a thing to work, he would have to come in completely seperate, and I'd need a wing girl. But I don;t tell him lest I encourage him. Now days,,,hmmm

So I currently have a half a dozen volunteers for an orgy round of "pick-up on the wife."

Here's how (in theory) it would work...I wait till hubby suggests 'the dress'. I then message the guys where and when to be. I'll explain that all are to be there and in place before I get there. They are encouraged to bring a friend for cover, friends may play along too. I'll tell husband that he should go in first and have a seat and I'll straggle in after looking at my watch.

I'll tell husband that I'll tell anyone that isin earshot that I messed up the time and got here early, hubby is delayed, have some time to kill. Meanwhile he can watch as I fend of a string of men wanting to keep me compamy in the meanwhile..

Now I have told the guys that this will give me a chance to meet and get to know each of them like a speed date, they put in their best pictch. The winner will get a future date which I will announce AFTER the event. During each date, I'll be texting husband random outrageous comments on the pick-up attempt with or without the input of the guy I'm talking to. What the guy I am talking to won;t know is that I'll also be sending emails to the other guys. The guys will see the competition and I'll tell each of them how well they are doing and tell each and every one of them that they "won"

I decided that the appeal of this fantasy is that I am apparently an attention whore.