Though Wednesday didn't lead to any actual jealousy or kinky opportunities as I had envisioned, it did lead to an interesting discussion with Alan yesterday. I don't know if he had been thinking about it since, or if I had steered the conversation that way. I am not sure how we got on topic as it seemed to have just flowed organically. Productively too, I thought, but I sure had some pangs of guilt as a result.
Again not sure how it came up, but I had mentioned at some point the general concept of a hypothetical "revenge fuck." Its not that he hasn't given me any reason at all, but since I was his first, and only it seems stretching it a bit to rationalize anything that way. But in the hypothetical, I said that I would think it would be ineffective since he would probably 'get off' on hearing about it. With a great deal of sincerity and seriousness he said that no, he wouldn't find it sexy if I cheated, since it would be about hurting him and a rejection and he wouldn't want any details under that circumstances.
We also talked about the difference between the recreational and the replacement type of affairs, using as an example a mutual friend of ours that was unhappy in general in her marriage. Like a lot of people in this economy there was a lot of financial pressure. They ended up giving their house back to the bank and hours for him were cut back at work. She had several times wanted a divorce for various reasons. She met a guy who seemed nice, attentive, and implied he had the resources to help her extract herself from the marriage. She asked for a divorce and admitted to her husband a week later that she was in the midst of an affair. She seems to think the two events are unrelated, and that "the marriage has been over a long time" according to her.
She moved in with the guy into his large home. His situation is more complicated than she first thought as he hasn;t finished divorcing his second wife, and he isn;t as prosperous as he had implied. She seems reasoably at peace with her situation, and determined to make the best of it. He is devastated, alternating between anger and denial it seems. Sad all the way around.
I think she sort of painted herself in a corner and if she had the chance might consider reconcilliation if pride weren;t an issue. Hubby viewing the same events thinks its clearly over and was going that way no matter what. I think she definately should have gotten her head straight and tried things on her own before jumping into a new relationship.
I notice on Ashley-Madison many people state that they are actually happy in their marriages and "aren't looking to change that." That seems unrealistic to me. Interactions with others has to change you and therefore the character of your marriage, much less actual full-blown (pun intended) affairs! Lots to think about
Guilty flushed my face red I thought. but he didn't seem to notice. I pressed the issue a bit trying to justify my past (and surely future) cheating. "What if I am overcome by a sudden bout of nymphomania, and just can't help myself from bedding every guy in sight?"
"You mean like you hit your head and have a sudden personality change?'
"Yeah, like that...." I quickly agreed squirming a bit inside, my deeds flashing before me...
"Well that, of course is different, definitely sexy."
I chose to remember that part of the conversation that way. Have to remember to walk into a door frame sometime.
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